A Reflection of Myself
by American Fantasy
Summary: When Naomi Wildman causes an incident on Voyager, Janeway is suddenly faced with having to reprimand her, leading Janeway to question her own upbringing.


_A/N: Written for the __Secret Drabble 2013. Many thanks to c_aptain_Susanne who provided the opening line. **  
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"_Nothing is endless, you have to accept it." _

It was like a constant echo in her mind that invaded every crevice of her memory.

It was spoken with such finality, as though she had almost forgotten that she was speaking to a child. Yet the words seemed to flow surely from her mouth, and in that moment, she couldn't help but recognize the stern familiarity in her words.

Words that slowly dawned on her, were not her own.

The look she saw, the sadness contained cleverly behind strong blue eyes; she had seen it before. Janeway stood from behind her desk and made her way to the upper portion of her ready room and stared out of the viewport. As she gazed out at the stars, she caught a faint glimpse of the person staring back at her, and she sighed sadly, realizing that what she had seen in Naomi, was a reflection of herself.

…

Minutes past and she vaguely remembered the chime to her door ringing. It wasn't until Chakotay, cleared his throat, that she realized he had entered her ready room at some point.

"Sorry," he apologized, as Kathryn turned around, startled by his sudden presence. "You didn't respond, is everything all right?"

"I'm not sure…"she mumbled quietly as she turned to sit down on the couch.

Chakotay moved to sit beside her. "Did you want to talk about it?"

"I'm sure the look you saw on Naomi's face said it all."

Chakotay tugged at his ear uncomfortably, not knowing how to bring it up; however, the action did not go unnoticed by Kathryn, who sighed, rubbing her temples, supremely aware of the situation.

"I know what you're thinking. You don't have to say it."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "And that would be?"

"That I was perhaps too hard on her?" Kathryn ran a hand down her face, feeling the guilt wash over her. "I know she's only young and has much to learn…but sometimes, I open my mouth and my father comes out."

The edges of Chakotay's mouth curled into an amused smile before he quickly gained composure. "You only want what's best for her. I think any one of us would admit to being protective of her."

"Yes, but there's a fine line that needs to be drawn in this situation. I'm not a parent, but…"she paused. "I can't help but wonder sometimes, whether what my father taught me was really the best way to go about things."

"It worked for you, didn't it?"

She looked at Chakotay thoughtfully as she weighed his question in respect of her past.

"But at what cost?"

…

_It had all started out as an accident. Naomi had been working on a science project in sickbay that she had found particularly challenging. She hadn't been watching where she was going when she accidentally knocked over one of the Doctor's experiments, sending a mysterious gas collected from a recent away mission through the ventilation systems. She hadn't told anyone and quickly placed the tube back in its rightful place, like nothing had happened. It wasn't until a few hours later, when a sudden outbreak in illness occurred, with no idea as to what was the cause. The longer it took for the Doctor to realize what had caused their illness, the more crewmembers got sick, and the longer it took for the Doctor to cure them. Naomi, who had pretended like nothing had happened, eventually confessed when she realized the seriousness behind her mistake. _

_Janeway sat behind her desk in her ready room, her fingers clasped together as she waited patiently for Naomi, to give an explanation. _

"_Yesterday, I overheard the Doctor talking to my mom about how well I 've been achieving in my biology class," She suddenly paused, trying to collect her words but struggled to say them aloud. "I didn't want anyone to know that it was me...because I didn't want to disappoint anyone, like you all are now."_

_Disappointment. She'd known that feeling, trying to please ones own parent, as she had so often done growing up. _

"_I think you'll find that we are more disappointed, that you didn't come to us when it happened in the first place. We have to be careful, Naomi. This is a small ship and any slight incident, can seriously affect us."_

"_I know…" Naomi bit her lower lip, feeling the weight of her guilt on her shoulders. _

"_Albert Einstein, once said: Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters." Janeway looked seriously at the young child. "Nothing is endless, you have to accept it. I need you to know that, Naomi."_

She hung her head and nodded. "_Yes, Captain."_

_Janeway gave her a stern dismissing nod before Naomi turned to leave. But as the doors swished open, Naomi stopped and turned back to Janeway, one last time. _

"_I am sorry, Captain."_

_That's when she saw it, the look that said it all. When the doors had shut and she found herself alone in her ready room, Kathryn leant her elbows on her desk and rested her head in her hands, wondering when she had become that way. When had she become so much of her father's daughter? _

…

Kathryn leant back on the couch, trying to abate the headache she felt coming on.

"Whatever I learnt in the academy, didn't quite prepare me for having to admonish a child," she admitted. "It's parenting I'm unqualified for."

"We're living in a unique situation," Chakotay reasoned. "Things can't always be the way they would be at home."

"Yes, but if Naomi doesn't feel as though she can come to me, even if she does make a mistake, then I'm not doing my job properly am I?"

Chakotay gave her a sympathetic smile, trying to be the support she needed.

"I'll talk to her," he started.

Seeing the genuine offer in his eyes, Kathryn smiled softly. "No," she paused thoughtfully, placing a hand on his knee. "I need to do this."

...

Kathryn couldn't remember the last time she had stood outside a person's door with her hand hovering nervously over the call button. But before she had time to debate any further, she found that her finger had a mind of its own.

Naomi appeared shortly after as the door swished open; her eyes slowly travelled up the length of her body until she realized who it was that was paying her a visit.

"Captain!" the surprised half Ktarian responded, snapping to attention in a manner that Kathryn, knew all too well.

"Can we talk?" she asked softly. Naomi nodded as she allowed, Kathryn to enter her quarters. She sat down on the couch and a long silence followed before Kathryn, made an attempt to speak.

"You know, you remind me a little of myself when I was young."

"Really?" Naomi questioned curiously, moving to sit beside her on the couch.

"Yes, and it made me remember what it was like to be young, and to make mistakes." She prepared herself for what she needed to say. "Naomi, I know I was a little harsh on you."

"But I-" Naomi began.

"No. I was," she admitted, "and I'm sorry. Naomi, nobody expects you to be perfect." Kathryn ran her fingers gently through Naomi's fair hair. "I want you to know that if something like this ever does happens again, you can always come to me. I know I may seem...intimidating at times, but do know, it's only because it has to be that way. I'm trying to protect everyone, and I'm trying to protect you."

For the first time that day, Kathryn saw a warm smile spread across young child's face.

"I heard you've got a science project due?"

Naomi bowed her head slightly. "I do, but I was going to ask the Doctor, to assign another one for me; it's a little hard."

Kathryn thought for a moment before turning to her, giving her a half grin, "I have a better idea," she stood up, extending her hand to her. "Why don't we work on it together?"

Naomi's smile brightened, feeling honored by her Captain's suggestion. slowly, she reached out and took the hand her Captain offered to her.

"I'd like that."


End file.
